I found it really hard planning my son's funeral so quickly after giving birth and found the trawling through websites quite hard. So I thought I would share what we did for Harry and hope that it can help other people with their planning, and if you are reading this, after losing your child... my heart goes out to you. If you feel up to it, get in touch.
Nothing can prepare you for the horrendous feeling seeing the funeral car pull up to take you to the service or watching that coffin going down. It will be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but if you are planning this right now, then try to take comfort in the fact you are doing the best you can for your beloved little one and very slowly, the pain will start to ease, slightly. I have written an entry about planning the funeral here.
Flowers seemed like such a waste of people's money so we asked for donations to Harry's Trust instead of flowers. The Trust received £2,000 in donations in the first month! Just goes to show what you can do, for a little bit of effort, and some really great family and friends.
The flowers we did have at the funeral was a cushion of flowers with Harry's name on it, and we asked for just immediate family to come to the burial service and we all had single flowers to throw in, after the coffin was lowered. Harry's Dad and I had white roses, and my family had sunflowers. I can't remember what anyone else had, as to be honest it's a bit of a blur.
Music is really important to me and here is an entry I wrote about music that is especially poignant to me:
(if you click the links on the page/the names of the songs, you will be able to listen to them through YouTube)
but here are the songs we used at Harry's service:
I come from a Christian family, and I think it was expected to have some kind of religious readings. However, none that we looked at seemed appropriate, as I didn't feel much like thanking God a few short weeks after giving birth and saying goodbye to my newborn son...
Here are the ones we picked:
(I read this one in the service)
The world may never notice
If a snowdrop doesn’t bloom
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon
But every life that ever forms
Or ever comes to be
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity
The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on
And though our arms are empty
Our hearts know what to do
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.
A Poem from Harry’s Great -Nanny Ruth
I do not know the reason
Why God took you away
Or why he only lent you
To us for just one day
He knew the uphill pathway
Was just too hard to climb
So he put his arms around you
And said “Harry, you are mine”
I know it’s very hard for us
To try to understand
But I believe with all my heart
God holds you in His hand
~ ~ ~
O Lord, help me to live one day at a time
Not to be thinking of what might have been
And not worrying what may be
Help me to accept the fact that I cannot undo the past
And I cannot foresee the future.
But even as I think of this
And even as I face today
Help me to always remember
That I will never be tried beyond what I can bear
That I cannot ever drift beyond your love and care
So help me, O Lord, to live one day at a time.
Bible Reading: Rev Jonathan Froggatt
Luke, Chapter 18 Verses 15-17
The Little Children and Jesus
15; People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16; But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17; Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
I read this at the Grave Side:
Tiny Angels rest your wings,
Sit with me for a while.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why have you gone away?
You weren't hear for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".